okay. i realize that and in case you haven't noticed i have been tryin to be a little more open with you lately because i know that's the way you are but, Kris, no offense or anything but it's not always about you...and i know by the time im done with this letter, you are prolly gonna be more pissed than ever but you know what, i think you need to hear it and the way you sounded today, was if i didn't talk to you, we weren't gonna be freinds and truthfully, with the shit i've been going through lately, that is not something i need to hear, i mean if you're gonna say that to someone who just tryed to hurt themselves, then it really makes me wonder about you, and another thing i think is going on is that now that you're starting to know me better, i don't think you like it... but if you're gonna be my friend and im gonna be your friend, we have to get this straight, I will try to say more if you quit making eveything about you... and stop asking so many questions, sometimes, you just have to let it be..... Now, i didn't do it because of you, and i didn't do it because of any one here... it was a stupid thing to do and i realize that, but the fact is, i did it. I can't change what i already did, but i can try not to do it again, it's just that, EVERYTHING that ever REALLY mattered to me has been taken away, i've been trying to deal with it but it's not working too well. k? I mean i love you and i think you are a really nice person, but sometimes you just have to let people figure out their live's for themselves and not bother them about it. Truthfully, i was thinking bout not doing it again, and then the way you sounded this morning... I was all like "well if she doesn't want me as a friend anymore, then why bother?" Im losing my friend because i didn't want to talk about it at all? And i was all like "well, if that's the way it is, the why should i have even stopped last night?" something made me stop though... I was in the middle of it and I looked up and saw my brother and joe and ever one in a picture, then i looked at all the pictures on my wall, of you, alexx, sarah, sami, jeanay, and im all like "what the hell am i doing? all these people might actually care about me and regardless of my own problems right now, these guys all care and would cry if i was gone..." so yeah, you played a really big part in me not totally doing it... feel good about that... to know that you care about some one enough to make them stop hurting themselves... Look, it was stupid and I hope you don't ignore everything i said about you in this letter, because you and i both have a serious problem... k? dont be too mad... gotta go, bye. Jessi ( this was a problem that i had today, i did a stupid thing last night and if you actually read all of this, you know what it is. and I wanna know who was in the wrong... me, her, or both of us.... i truthfully think it's both of us...)